Reflections on Connection

One of the realities of this pandemic has been withdrawal from "normal" ways of interacting with people. Whether it is going to a restaurant or catching a movie - or doing neither - the past two years have made moving back into pre-pandemic contact with people fraught with concerns, debate, and difficulty. 

I think of this as having found a new homeostasis where the feedback loops of potential illness and the behaviors that expose one to our current plague have crafted a more isolated life. As someone who sits more on the introvert side of the aisle, this pulling back from all the places and people that I interacted with casually wasn't that hard to do. And yet, there was a price to this isolation that I now feel more acutely.

When certain muscles aren't exercised, they start to lose their elasticity, so to speak. I find that interactions tends to stir me up a great deal more then they used to. It is harder to push through the anxious questions and go out into the world. What suffers is the ability to connect and therefore refresh and renew my curiosity, compassion, and reflection on who I am in the world. Through dialogue and interaction, I have to roust myself out of my internal narratives and rediscover the shared stories of living and life. Maybe that sounds vague and yet, I have come to believe that even though it is important to 'know oneself' - we do this through relationships (connection) with others. Reflection, verbalizing what we think or feel, listening and letting go of our rigid ways of looking at the world - we do this in connection with others.

Okay. So how is that connected to my creativity? 

Finding compassion for myself as I come back from a long trip and look at how to reacquaint myself with the larger world of my life has been key. Allowing the tired, overworked brain to rest and settle has been important. And - also because I was able to start understanding what I wrote above, I gave myself a couple keys ways to push through the inertia caused by being kind of comfortable in this isolated world I've crafted for myself.

First, I am pushing myself to say yes to those that I love. 

- See friends, spend time with family. 

- Have coffee with someone I haven't seen in two years. 

- Challenge myself to start looking at how to get back involved with one of the non-profits I was working with prior to COVID 19.

Second, I created a project for myself. Based on Missouri Quilts 'crumb quilts' idea, I pulled out my scrap stash and started building squares. For me, this became a "No Mistakes" scrap quilt - no do overs. Can I still pay attention to colors and contrast? Can I still balance out design? Sure - but only because I like to play with fabrics that way.  This project has been a relaxing swim into color and fabric. I found that I could get present and play, pull fabrics together and then trim them to fit.  My cutting table was a tangle of bits and pieces of color and design allowing me to reach into different stacks and sew things together. I'd sit down at the machine and say, 'well, no mistakes, we'll see what this looks like.' It has been exhilarating - dare I say - liberating to just let all the rules go.

Funny thing though: I've had this process completely interrupted by a leak in the ceiling of my sewing room. I had to pick everything up and move it out so the ceiling can be repaired. 

That might sound frustrating; and while, yes, it was at first, right now I am still feeling that sense of creative fun that I discovered by doing as much as I did. Its there to be finished and I look forward to having such a great way to use scraps.

Here is a list of questions that were put forth in the lecture this past month:

1. How connected am I to myself? (What does that even mean?)

2. What could I do to connect more to myself?

3. How well am I connecting to my environment? to this moment?

4. How do I want to feel when I connect with other people? What makes that connection satisfying?

5. Where am I putting my energy for connection - what's fulfilling?

6. How connected do I feel to the materials I use for creativity?

I guess my final reflections on this past month on Connection are this: Find ways to gently step into connecting with the relationships that matter to you and things you love doing. Find the simplest ways to connect. A scrap quilt with no guidelines or a beer with a sister that you haven't  gone out with in awhile. Gentle and small steps are key for me - and trusting the process of rebuilding my resiliency in the larger world.